Six Million Dollar Man

Macbook Pro, laptop. A computer barely alive. Gentlemen, we can rebuild it. We have the technology. We have the capability to build the world's first bionic laptop. Macbook Pro will be that laptop. Better than it was before. Better, stronger, faster.

My precious, precious laptop has succumbed to several complications leading to its current visit to the Intensive AppleCare Unit. My optical drive has been busted for a while now, but on top of that I had a defective battery and suddenly my hard drive decided to disappear, never to be found again.

So I go to the Apple Store where they, the mad scientists of computer wizardry, are going to rebuild it like Robocop, Steve Austin or any other bionic creation of science. I'm getting a new battery, a new optical drive, perhaps a new hard drive if mine can't be salvaged - and I'm upgrading to OS X Leopard.

I've just got to wait 6-8 business days, so until then you won't see much of me - but when I do return, it will be with a superior machine capable of great and terrible things. Thank God for the AppleCare Protection Plan...

American Movie

I talk to a man in a wheelchair, stuck in some trailer park in San Francisco. He doesn't have anyone. He has to persuade people to come see him and take him to places like the grocery store. He has an iPhone, got it for $5 bucks through some kind of senior citizen discount he tells me. It makes him happy, even though he has no one call.

I talk to a woman who is angry and bitter and incredibly tough to get along with. Through the course of helping her, she tells me her security question is "The date of my husband's death." She says she figured that would be the best question because it's something she could never forget, even if she wanted to. I hear a tremble in her voice, a deep breath, and then she asks: "OK, what do I do next?"

I spoke to a filmmaker in New York with a busted laptop that he edits his films on. I talked to Billy Crudup's sister-in-law, strangely enough. I spoke with crew members of Law & Order, business analysts, high-rise construction workers, plumbers, soccer moms, spoiled middle schoolers, and every kind of human being you could imagine.

Everyday I am met with the full spectrum of human emotion, from crying to pure joy to screaming and fighting. I hear husbands complain about their wives, wives complain about their husbands - boyfriends who cheat on their girlfriends and girlfriends who dump their boyfriends. I speak to high school kids who don't know what they want to be when they grow up, and middle-aged advertising executives who don't know what they want to do with their life either.

I speak to people with names like Starr Bella and crazy Canadians with Steven Seagal DVD collections. Some people can be real jerks, downright assholes - but for the most part, I find something intriguing about each person who calls. I'll strike up a conversation about the weather, or I'll ask what songs the cover band guitarist will be playing at the bar tonight - who they like in the NCAA tournament... anything to make a connection and get inside someone's head for the 10-30 minutes I'm on the phone with them.

It's a shot of reality, where kids are screaming in the background and mothers assure them that they can have one more chicken nugget or cheesestick, but not both. It is a constant reminder of how unglamorous life is - of how strictly routine and basic all of our lives are, no matter how different we are.

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I've got a couple of recommendations for you, if interested:

What Would Jesus Buy?

An examination of the commercialization of Christmas in America while following Reverend Billy and the Church of Stop Shopping Gospel Choir on a cross-country mission to save Christmas from the Shopocalypse (the end of humankind from consumerism, over-consumption and the fires of eternal debt).

This documentary also delves into issues such as the role sweatshops play in America’s mass consumerism and Big-Box Culture. From the humble beginnings of preaching at his portable pulpit on New York City subways, to having a congregation of thousands – Rev. Billy has become the leader of not just a church, but a national movement.

A wonderful little documentary filled with great characters and a big heapin' helping of spirit and a real message to deliver. We're all addicted to consumerism, we're Americans after all - but this film will make you think twice about your debt and the sins of over-consumption.



American Movie

On the northwest side of Milwaukee, Mark Borchardt dreams the American dream: for him, it's making movies. Using relatives, local theater talent, slacker friends, his Mastercard, and $3,000 from his Uncle Bill, Mark strives over three years to finish "Coven," a short horror film. His own personal demons (alcohol, gambling, a dysfunctional family) plague him, but he desperately wants to overcome self-doubt and avoid failure. In moments of reflection, Mark sees his story as quintessentially American, and its the nature and nuance of his dream that this film explores.

This is a bizarre, often times disturbing film. The reason I say disturbing is because it is a little too real at times. The backdrops are trailer parks and dirt roads, people without much money or education trying to achieve something that, to us, may seem completely deranged and pathetic - but to them, is a shot at stardom. It's worth seeing for how authentic and genuine the people are and how unbelievable they seem as characters.

Where the Wild Things Are

Without a doubt, my most anticipated film of 2009:

A Movie Script Ending

"We've all been raised on television to believe that one day we'd all be millionaires, and movie gods, and rock stars. But we won't. And we're slowly learning that fact. And we're very, very pissed off."

So this is what real life is like? Is it even worth having dreams or aspirations? What's the point other than setting yourself up for nothing but disappointment? This is the part of the entry where I'm completely jaded, cynical and unrelenting in my negative prospective on everything.

If you would have asked me in high school where I'd be as a 24-year-old man, I would have probably told you I'd be a pro wrestling play-by-play commentator or maybe a roadie for Less Than Jake. I had big aspirations back then. I would have never imagined I'd be shifting from one worthless job to another. Back then I would have said I could have been a stand-up comedian or a movie star or the lead singer of a Weezer cover band.

But, as Tyler Durden so painfully points out, that just isn't the case. I'm slowly learning that fact, and yeah - I am pissed off. I realize I'm not the only one. I'm sure everyone I know never expected their lives to lead to where they did. I'm not really whining like a big crybaby as much as wondering how people achieve the seemingly impossible goal of doing what they want to do for a living - of having a dream come true.

I guess when it comes down to it, I'm a guy who's pretty good at a lot of things but not great at one thing. And in a society where you're pressured to be the best at everything - a world where cheaters and liars always prosper, I'm wondering where the adcentive is in hard work... and sadly, isn't that the motto of my generation?

Our parents broke their backs working 40 years at jobs they hated, and I know they had dreams that never came true... but why do they seem so complacent about it? Is it because, back then, you graduated high school, got a job, got married, and had kids?

I don't think that's the life I want - at least not in that linear fashion and not right now. I'd like to mix it up a little, at least. What I would really like - and I'll be brutally honest here - what I would really like is to be as smart and clever as I think I am. I wish I could write. I wish I could be the guy that everyone likes and that everyone admires and thinks highly of.

I wish I didn't come off as an asshole for having an opinion, or maybe I just wish everyone had the same opinion as me - that would make things a lot easier wouldn't it? Remember the days before Facebook and the Internet when you actually had to meet someone to learn something about them?

Gone are those days. If I read your Facebook profile and I see you're a Republican or you don't like Star Wars or you think Britney Spears is the most prolific artist of our times, I can instantly decide that I don't need to meet you - that I have no need to ever speak a word to you. This goes both ways, of course. Don't we purposefully fill out all that unnecessary information like favorite films and books because we're looking for people to congratulate us on our own great taste?

I know that's why I do it. I want to attract lovers of Star Wars and Less Than Jake and everything I find near and dear to my heart. It's sad - really. On top of this, all the people I would consider best friends are hundreds of miles away and sometimes it's like all I have is my online identity - my digital footprint, left there for all to study and analyze.

Aren't we limiting ourselves as a result of constantly being connected and getting hit in the face day after day with the never-ending onslaught of personal information and opinions that make up online communities? Everyone has an opinion, nothing's changed there. But now everyone has the ability to voice their opinions and broadcast it to the world. It's caused a lot of problems when you think about. People who once made a living out of having opinions (critics, columists, talk show personalities) are having to contend with the new class of bloggers and YouTube amatuers who are slowly and surely being heard and being congratulated by others with the same opinions.

I'm guilty as charged - I'm part of the new class, though not a signifcant part of it. I long to be part of it, as sad as that sounds. I wish what I thought mattered. I wish I was revered by other enthusiasts. But I'm just some dude that seems to have nothing better to do.

I don't guess I'll ever be a millionaire or a movie star. I doubt I'll ever make a living out of writing, though I do have one small sliver of optimism in my heart that this thought will eventually become a reality. Truth be told, I'm just not that motivated to make it happen. As I said earlier, I just don't see the point in working hard for anything these days.

Fuck. I'm 24. I'm speaking as if I'm a man at the end of my life, looking back on all the mistakes and wrong turns I've made along the way. Things could be a lot worse, this I realize. I'm just so tired of coming up short at everything I do.

Shit Break

I walk into the bathroom at work and find a guy my age talking on his cell phone, just hanging around in the 4th floor bathroom chatting away as people walk in and out. I realize as I saddle up to the urinal that he's waiting on his friend to come out of the stall he's standing in front of.

Suddenly I hear the guy from the stall call out. "You know what I don't get? Why they call it 'taking a shit,' I mean - you're not really taking it anywhere. Know what I'm saying?"

The guy standing outside the stall finishes his phone call and wasn't really paying attention to his friend in the stall. At this point there are a few other people in the bathroom and I can't imagine a more awkward situation than this one.

The guy repeats, "Why do they call it 'taking a shit' man? I mean, you're not taking it anywhere." This time the guy replies, "I don't know, never thought about it that way." There's a brief pause, the sound of toliet paper being ripped from the wall dispenser echoes throughout the cold, tiled space. "But you're right man, you're not taking it anywhere - you're leaving it. Why don't they call it 'leaving a shit?'"

I hang my head in despair, I can't believe two grown men are having this conversation in a bathroom. The guy in the stall finishes up, opens the door and grunts with satisfaction. He washes his hands and as I walk out behind him, his cell phone rings.

I assume the caller asked something to the extent of, "What's up man?" or "What are you doing?" The shit leaver replies, "Not much, just finished takin' a shit, man."

Speechless.

The Dark Times

Misawa Vs. Kobashi Vs. Gojira

American nuclear weapons testing results in the creation of a seemingly unstoppable, dinosaur-like abomination from the depths of our oceans. That's the gist of 1954's Gojira, better known as Godzilla. Along with 1933's King Kong, the original Japanese release of Gojira is the most essential monster movie ever.

I've found that if you mention Godzilla in normal conversation, someone will eventually do a very bad, obviously racist, impression of Asian people pointing up in the air and screaming hysterically. Most of these people probably haven't even seen the movie, and the thing is - they don't really need to. The character has become so iconic within our popular culture that somehow even kids nowadays know the terrible lizard's name.

So why see Gojira? For starters, it's so much more than your standard monster fare. The film is quite dark with its themes of nuclear war and inevitable apocalypse. As Godzilla reigns down fire and destruction upon Tokyo, a mother clings to her child and tells the girl that they'll soon be joining her father. It's at this moment that Godzilla smashes through the building and the mother and daughter are overcome by twisted metal and debris. So much for a silly drive-in creature feature.

The whole film is a metaphor for the dangers of nuclear war and the fear that comes with new technology. New technology always brings more advances in firepower and even in 1954 the effects of America's decision to "drop the bomb" on Japan can be felt in this film. I remember watching other Godzilla flicks as a kid, the ones with Mothra and that three-headed monster and the robot Godzilla but I hadn't seen the real deal, and I'm pretty impressed.

At the time, it must have been an ingenius idea to put someone in a Godzilla suit and have them stomp around miniaturized cities - talk about a revolution in filmmaking. It's unfortunate that effect isn't really utilized anymore. Guillermo del Toro should do something about that...

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Maybe you missed this little news item a couple weeks ago, but President Obama gave the British Prime Minister Gordon Brown a box set of 25 classic American films. The films were picked out by the American Film Institute and included:

• Citizen Kane
• The Godfather
• Casablanca
• Raging Bull
• Singin’ in the Rain
• Gone with the Wind
• Lawrence of Arabia
  
• Schindler’s List
• Vertigo
• The Wizard of Oz
• City Lights
• The Searchers
• Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope
  
• Psycho
• 2001: A Space Odyssey
• Sunset Boulevard
• The Graduate
  
• The General
• On the Waterfront
• It’s a Wonderful Life
• Chinatown
• Some Like It Hot
• The Grapes of Wrath
• ET: The Extra-Terrestrial
• To Kill A Mocking Bird
  

Essentially, it's just the American Film Institute's top 25 films, but it's still awesome. First thing I think of is our president chilling at the White House watching Star Wars and that gets me excited. I wonder what kind of movies George W. Bush watched? My money is on Stroker Ace and anything starring Steven Seagal.

Anyway, this made me think of a definitive film collection of my own - 25 films that I could give to someone, like the British Prime Minister for example - and they would instantly know me as a human being. I don't really have the whole list finished yet, but if you know me at all you'll probably have a good guess on the majority of them. I'll be posting it in the next couple of days...

Until then, I'll be watching old japanese wrestling matches. Currently I've got Mitsuharu Misawa fueding with Kenta Kobashi - always a classic, not to mention their matches with Big Van Vader and Dr. Death Steve Williams (two American wrestlers who were misused in the States and found respect and admiration overseas).

It's 4:30 a.m. - time to succumb to sleep.

Fun Facts

I hate the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. As a kid, I watched it religiously, but the fact that it's on Nick at Nite seems blasphemous to me and any time I see it I immediately want to vomit. Even worse, if someone starts singing the theme song I have the uncontrollable urge to punch a priest in the breadbasket.

I hate people who love everything based solely on if its what's in or popular at any given moment. You know the people I'm talking about - the people who, when asked what their favorite movie or kind of music is, reply, "Oh I don't know there's just too many, I guess I like everything." These are also the people who, when asked "Why do you like it?" they tilt their head to the side and go, "I dunno," as if they had never questioned it in their life.

I hate 90% of all reality television, no matter how endearing or outrageous. The other 10% is of course reserved for Project Runway and Top Chef.

I hate 90% of people who have competed on a reality show such as American Idol or Survivor or Real World/Road Rules Challenge - this of course excludes Project Runway and Top Chef contestants.

I hate any singer or performer who doesn't have a statement or soul to be found in what they're creating. Yeah, I get it, you're really good at singing words in the right pitch and it sounds pretty - but you have nothing to offer. The words coming out of your mouth were written by someone who is designing a song to sell to a certain demographic. Everything you're saying is completely generic, cliche and unimportant.

In fact, isn't that 90% of the music industry today anyway? Just a bunch of bands and artists going through the motions, cashing in on what's accepted as music these days? I can't wait to hear Nickelback on the Golden Oldies station and hear the DJ comment on how "They just don't make 'em like this anymore!" - if that day comes, just go ahead and put rat poison in my Hardees biscuit n' gravy.

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I love Japanese professional wrestling, though it's impossible to stay actively interested in because I don't have access to Japanese television - all I have is a fierce love for feuds and wrestlers that were in their prime back in the mid '90s. That won't stop me from buying DVD compilations of guys like Kenta Kobashi, Mitsuharu Misawa or Jyushin "Thunder" Lyger though - not by a long shot.

I love bad horror movies. I don't give a shit what you think about them. Good or bad, a horror film is like pizza. Even if it's terrible, it's still pretty good. I can enjoy a film like "Critters" on the same level as "The Shawshank Redemption." Even if I hate a horror film, such as "The Ruins" or "Quarantine," it's got to be better than anything on the Lifetime Channel.

I love to eat.

I completely embrace the outcast culture. If you are a dweeb, nerd, geek or complete loser, odds are we will get along - it's the popular, good-looking people I often clash with. If you're really into model trains - I will ask you about them and find something to admire about it. If you're into Dungeons and Dragons or Magic the Gathering, odds are I will mention Heroclix and Marvel Vs. and see if we can play sometime. If you like comics, I've got recommendations and if you like collecting action figures... well, sadly, I have a vast amount of sage wisdom for you.

I love margaritas.

I love all matter of robots, monsters, aliens and any sort of fantastical creature created from the minds of men.

I love writing. I don't write as much as I used to, and I certainly don't write as well as I used to. That is, to say, if I ever wrote well. My inspiration has dried up and I'm not getting paid to do it so, it becomes harder, but I still love it. I pray to God every night that Blogger doesn't shut down because I plan on keeping this site until I die...

Left in Limbo

Death leaves online lives in limbo
By PETER SVENSSON
AP Technology Writer

When Jerald Spangenberg collapsed and died in the middle of a quest in an online game, his daughter embarked on a quest of her own: to let her father's gaming friends know that he hadn't just decided to desert them.

It wasn't easy, because she didn't have her father's "World of Warcraft" password and the game's publisher couldn't help her. Eventually, Melissa Allen Spangenberg reached her father's friends by asking around online for the "guild" he belonged to.

One of them, Chuck Pagoria in Morgantown, Ky., heard about Spangenberg's death three weeks later. Pagoria had put his absence down to an argument among the gamers that night.

"I figured he probably just needed some time to cool off," Pagoria said. "I was kind of extremely shocked and blown away when I heard the reason that he hadn't been back. Nobody had any way of finding this out."

With online social networks becoming ever more important in our lives, they're also becoming an important element in our deaths. Spangenberg, who died suddenly from an abdominal aneurysm at 57, was unprepared, but others are leaving detailed instructions. There's even a tiny industry that has sprung up to help people wrap up their online contacts after their deaths.

When Robert Bryant's father died last year, he left his son a little black USB flash drive in a drawer in his home office in Lawton, Okla. It was underneath a cup his son had once given him for his birthday. The drive contained a list of contacts for his son to notify, including the administrator of an online group he had been in.

"It was kind of creepy because I was telling all these people that my dad was dead," Bryant said. "It did help me out quite a bit, though, because it allowed me to clear up a lot of that stuff and I had time to help my mom with whatever she needed."

Continue reading...

© 2009 The Associated Press.

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First off, this is the kind of story I would love to write - in a slightly morbid kind of way. It's not that I'm attracted to the very melancholy themes at work here, but the idea is intriguing. I myself have been part of several online communities and message boards over the years and once upon a time in a Star Wars Yahoo! Chat room community, one user did pass away - others disappeared, got divorced, moved or eventually faded away with disinterest.

There's a disconnect, no matter how many hours you may log playing a game with someone or commenting on a blog or sitting in a chat room, unless you've met these people and shared meals and movies and couch time with them - the death never quite hits home. But, of course, the reality hits - that the person on the other side of the screen tapping on the keyboard is gone and will not be returning.

In my mind I like to believe the daughter will take up her father's role in the never ending quest of "World of Warcraft" as a tribute to him. If it was something he loved, it seems only fitting that she take him the rest of the way from here. In a geeky way, I think that's perhaps the most tender, affectionate thing someone could do for another person.

Big Blue Penis

From Sci-Fi Wire:

If you think there's a lot of Dr. Manhattan's big blue penis in Zack Snyder's upcoming Watchmen, wait until you see the director's cut.

Snyder told SCI FI Wire in a group interview at WonderCon in San Francisco over the weekend that he actually trimmed a few scenes of full-frontal computer-animated nudity from the theatrical release, but will restore them in the director's cut, which will have a limited theatrical release in July before appearing on DVD/Blu-ray.

"There's a big sequence on Mars between Laurie [Malin Akerman] and Manhattan [Billy Crudup], you know, the whole thing about, like, 'You're sleeping with him?' You know, like, 'I'm a puppet, they can see the strings,' that whole thing. ... That shot, ... when they're walking up the stairs coming to the top of the [crystal palace], it's pretty intense."

At this point, Dave Gibbons, who illustrated the graphic novel, chimes in: "Swing, swing."

Snyder: "Yeah. It looks like a bell clacker."

Crudup, who plays the big blue Dr. Manhattan, is apparently comfortable with the way Snyder has brought his naked godlike character to life. "Oh, yeah, I mean for better or worse, it's definitely my performance," he said earlier this month. "They're so accomplished now with the level of detail and the nuance that they can manufacture in the computer. ... It's a very realistic rendering of my face and my, um, abs. The rest of it is totally CG. Well, not all of it. Not all of it, people." He smiled at this point.

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I've noticed a lot of comments on Facebook, MySpace and various internet sites from moviegoers who just have to comment about the full frontal male nudity in Watchmen. The comments typically look something like this:

"Disappointed with Watchmen... too much penis..."

"I liked Watchmen, though I could have done with less gratuitous male nudity."

"If you're interested in seeing Watchmen, get a picture of a flaccid penis, color it blue and stare at it for 3 hours. Congratulations, you've just seen watchmen."

I've even noticed such phrases as "big blue wang" in Entertainment Weekly and other reputable entertainment news sites - yet no one seems to mention the intense, steamy sex scenes or any of the female nudity that exists in the film.

Most of these comments are from high school boys, but unfortunately it seems to be more of a trend with males in their twenties even. I can imagine what it was like for them to watch this thought-provoking film in the theater - cringing at the sight of a computer-generated glowing blue penis while reassuring their sexuality by being overly offended by it.

I'm sure none of these lads were offended by Malin Ackerman's perfect breasts or any of the other female naughty bits on display in Snyder's film. I wonder if these guys, upon staring at Michelangelo's David, giggle like gossiping school children.

It seems a lot of people are fixating on the image of a blue, flaccid penis in a film that is so thought-provoking. I guess it's a sign of the times - Michelangelo could create a work of art that made people gasp in awe at its beauty, but when it comes to today's generation of ADD-addled kids, the most a work of art can get is a titter. I'm not saying Snyder's watchmen is on the same level as David, but it would be ignorant to say that Alan Moore's work does not warrant recognition for its contribution to literature and popular culture.

If it wouldn't have been for works like Watchmen and The Dark Knight Returns, I doubt we would live in a time filled with such rich, dark and seriously-approached films like The Dark Knight. These films legitimize the thoughts and pedestal-putting of comic nerds everywhere. While the mainstream was getting a fresh breath of how truly amazing a Batman story could be, me and my fellow lovers of comics were sitting back saying "I told you so," with our Batman shirts displayed proudly.

If you have a problem with your own sexuality - if you're uncomfortable with having to see a blue, computer-generated penis - then Watchmen might not be the movie for you. If you can't take a little full frontal male nudity seriously, how can you expect to immerse yourself into the many depths and layers of a profound and engaging story?

In other words, grow up. Go watch Fantastic Four or Twilight or a Tyler Perry film - there's plenty of mindless, sappy shtick to go around there. As for me, I'll enjoy every inch of Snyder's Director's Cut when it hits DVD and Blu-Ray later this year.

Click to enlarge:

Watchmen Tour

Watchmen Tour with Malin Akerman from Malin Akerman

Watchmen

Watchmen
Justice is coming to all of us, no matter what we do.

By Adam Frazier

Director Zack Snyder has went from an inexperienced young director to visionary filmmaker in three films. Snyder first popped onto the scene with 2004’s "Dawn of the Dead," an extremely competent remake of George A. Romero’s classic horror film. Using highly saturated color schemes and visual effects, Snyder’s flamboyant visual style gives his films an otherworldly quality.


His second film, "300," an adaptation of Frank Miller’s graphic novel, was like a sensory overload of pure Snyder style. Beautifully choreographed fight sequences splattered with blood and sprinkled with slow-motion movements instantly made "300" stand apart from its big screen comic book brethren.


Snyder isn’t Kurosawa. He isn’t Hitchcock. But he is the go-to guy for horror remakes and comic book adaptations. And when you think about it, isn’t that really all our film industry seems capable of these days? In a world of remakes like "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre" and "Friday the 13th," as well as comic blockbusters like "Spider-Man" and "The Dark Knight," Snyder seems to be making the right moves and picking the right projects.

That brings us to Snyder’s third film, "Watchmen," an adaptation of Alan Moore’s groundbreaking comic book series. Watchmen is set in an alternate reality that mirrors the contemporary world of the 1980s. The existence of superheroes and masked vigilantes have dramatically affected and altered the outcomes of events such as the Vietnam War and the presidency of Richard Nixon.


The film opens in a simple, yet beautiful manner. On an oversaturated yellow screen, solid black studio credits snap hard into place. Within a matter of seconds, the tone is set. The opening sequence fills us in on some historical moments in the "Watchmen" universe. It’s a haunting, gorgeous sequence set to Bob Dylan’s “The Times They Are A-Changin” that left me overcome with nostalgia for a time that never even happened.

We’re soon introduced to the characters that fill out this gritty, grimy, neon-colored 1980s world. To comic book aficionados, their names are as iconic as Superman and Batman. Nite Owl. Doctor Manhattan. Silk Spectre. Rorschach. Ozymandias and The Comedian. The whole story is used as a means to reflect contemporary anxieties and deconstruct the superhero mythos. These are real people, with real problems – people who retired from their crime-fighting profession and live lonely lives, haunted by the good old days of heroic deeds.

Over the past few weeks, I decided there was no point in taking up space with a plot synopsis in this review. For people who have never read "Watchmen," it’s best they experience it with no idea of what to expect. As for the fans (and fanboys) of the comic, they’ll be too busy pointing out the differences between the two.


Snyder’s style is put to full use in "Watchmen." The way Snyder uses slow motion reminds me of how, as a child, I would linger on a particular page or frame of a comic – soaking up every centimeter of action contained within. The colors are super saturated, the soundtrack and score factor so heavily into the images on screen you can’t imagine one without the other afterward.

The themes at play are mature, sophisticated even, and Snyder does an adequate job of translating that to the screen, though he lacks the subtle nuance needed to truly make these ideas resonate.

In the end, Snyder has accomplished something substantial in adapting "Watchmen." This is as good as a film based upon Moore’s work could ever hope to be – and that says a lot. It’s not going to be for everyone. Some people will stand up and walk out in disgust; others will simply miss the point. But for the folks who love this kind of stuff, this is one of the best comic book adaptations around.


"This is a tasty burger!"

Lost in Egyptian Mythology

Anubis is the Greek name for a jackal-headed god associated with mummification and the afterlife in Egyptian mythology. , Anubis was considered more the gatekeeper and ruler of the underworld, the "Guardian of the veil" (of death). Consequently, he was said to protect souls as they journeyed there, and thus be the patron of lost souls (and consequently orphans).

Anubis was frequently depicted as escorting the spirit of the deceased into the presence of Osiris in the underworld. Subsequently, the god is often shown weighing the heart of the deceased against the feather of truth (Ma'at) in the presence of Thoth (as scribe, writing down the recordings) and Osiris (as judge).

If the heart is lighter than the feather of truth, Anubis will guide the deceased through the afterlife, but if their heart is heavy - Anubis brings them to another deity which destroys the soul.

Anubis was sometimes associated with Sirius in the heavens, and Cerberus in Hades. Cerberus - as in "Cerberus vents" as seen on Kelvin Inman's blast door map in season 2 of Lost. I'm guessing the Smoke Monster is the deity which destroys the heavy hearts and unworthy souls on the island.

It's easy to imagine a scenario where upon ancient Egyptians discovered the island and after witnessing the strange abilities and properties of the island, thought it to actually be the afterlife - so they erected a statue of Anubis, which later became Lost's mythic "Four-Toed Statue."

Why four toes? Well, if Anubis was portrayed as half-Jackal, he might not have human feet - he would actually have paws with fewer digits than a human foot. What else does this tell us? Well, quite a lot actually. Lets take a look at some Egyptian art, shall we?




One of the most obvious tie-ins revealed here are the hieroglyphics, which we've seen in the Swan Station. Various symbols were also etched on the walls surrounding "The Temple" where the Smoke Monster grabbed Montand. Speaking of The Temple, could it be a pyramid or burial chamber of some kind where people are resurrected in the afterlife?

Anyway, the hieroglyphics were also seen on the door inside Ben's house which led to that secret chamber where he seemingly "called" the Smoke Monster to do his bidding.

The most important tie-in? Take a look at the eyes of the people depicted in each picture - what do they share in common? Egyptians were known for their love of makeup, most notably their use of eyeliner. Guess who else loves eyeliner? Richard Alpert.

Taking into account that Alpert seems ageless himself, is dark complected and has those dark, stunning eyes - I think it's safe to say that Richard Alpert is an original inhabitant of the island, an ancient Egyptian warrior that could also be a part of the unseen group of fire arrow-slingers.

Following the merging of the Ennead and Ogdoad belief systems, as a result of the identification of Atum with Ra, and their compatibility, Anubis became a lesser god in the underworld, giving way to the more popular Osiris during the Middle Kingdom. However, Anubis was given a place in the family of gods as the...son of Osiris and Nephthys, and in this role he helped Isis mummify his dead father.

There's a lot to digest there, and I'm not even saying it all relates to Lost - but it is interesting to note the idea of putting dead fathers to rest, being as there are plenty of characters on Lost with daddy issues - not to mention the most notorious Undead Father of all time, Christian Shephard.

Also, the idea of becoming a lesser god may factor in to what happened to the statue - was it torn down by a rivaling religious group? Did the Egyptians tear it down in preparation for a statue of Osiris? It's hard to say - I'm sure we'll have more answers about the statue's origins as this season goes forward, but by only showing the back of this statue for 3 seconds... a whole world of possibility and prediction has been opened.

Thanks to Wikipedia and the Get Lost Podcast

UPDATE!

Stacy left a great comment pointing out that the statue actually resembles Egyptian Goddess Taweret, protector of Pregnant Women. Early during the Old Kingdom, the Egyptians came to see female hippopotamuses as less aggressive than the males, and began to view their aggression only as one of protecting their young and being good mothers, particularly since it is the males that are territorially aggressive. Consequently, Taweret became seen, very early in Egyptian history, as a deity of protection in pregnancy and childbirth. Pregnant women wore amulets with her name or likeness to protect their pregnancies.

In the Book of the Dead Taweret was seen as a goddess who guided the dead into the afterlife. As with her double nature of protector and guardian, she was also a guard to the mountains of the west where the deceased entered the land of the dead. Many of the deities relating to birth also appear in the underworld to help with the rebirth of the souls into their life after death.


Stacy, I believe, has nailed it. We all know the mysteries surrounding child birth on the island and perhaps this statue was erected in hopes of making conception and birth possible on the island. I can't wait to find out more!